Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy, and Gluttony

So, I went to piano lessons today, and once again, my teacher told me that I needed to cut my nails.

I cut them before I went to lessons. They're shorter than they've probably ever been.

And they're ugly now.

I'm proud of my nails. As silly as that sounds, I am. I really like them. I paint them all the time and sometimes people compliment me. It makes me feel pretty, which I usually don't.

I normally feel all schleppy and yucky compared to the other girls at school. They're skinny, they have cute clothes, cute shoes, cute...everything. I don't know how they do it. I mean, I shop at the mall too. Why don't I look great?

I'd just like to feel pretty for once, you know what I mean?

Or at least, I'd like to be happy with myself, which I'm not. I find fault with myself all the time, and I constantly wish that I were someone else.

Like, I just noticed that I gained a few pounds over the last couple of weeks, and it's starting to show. As virtually all of my shirts are tight t-shirts, this has become a real problem when I'm trying to figure out what to wear (I'll tell you about my closet next time I post). I only have so many sweatshirts and jackets to cover myself up with, and it seems like I just can't find clothes that draw attention away from my stomach. I look like I'm pregnant. Seriously. It's sickening. I'm a total glutton. (And by the way, why isn't vanity a "deadly sin"? Or does it count as pride?)

Anyway, after I totally pigged out yesterday, I thought, "This has GOT to stop. I'm walking down the path to obesity. I don't want to do that." So I read some magazines, and I decided that I'm going to eat healthier and eat smaller portions.

This morning, I had a vanilla yogurt with yummy granola. For lunch, I had a pita wrap and apple juice. For snack, Sunchips and applesauce. And then came dinnertime.

I lost it. I've been used to eating a lot, so I guess it was a real shock for my stomach to suddenly find itself not completely full all the time. I was starving. I made myself a HUGE salad and ate a whole bunch of other stuff. And I STILL feel like I want to eat something. It's like that Pringles commercial: "Once you pop, you can't stop."

Oh, God. Pringles. Agh. See what I mean? This is bad, really bad. But tomorrow, I'm going to stick to it. And the next day. And the next. And I'm going to stick to it forever, because I want to be healthy.

And let's face it. Summer's almost here--people are breaking out the flip flops and the shorts are following. I want to be able to go out in a t-shirt and not worry about my stomach sticking out. I want to be able to wear my bikini when I go on vacation.

And I kind of want some ice cream, but I'm going to resist the temptation and just pretend that I'm eating it...