Deadly Sin: Despair

Graduation is a mere two days away.

I'm anxious. This is sort of a bittersweet ending for me. There are a lot of people at my school that I can't stand, and this will be good riddance. But then there are the ones that I miss a lot, even though I've barely been out of school for a week. And I can't help but wonder if I'll ever see them again after I go off to college. And even if I do, they'll be different. We might not click, and the only thing we'll have in common is the past.

I don't like getting hung up on the past, but I can't help it. It's no joke when they say that hindsight is 20/20. It really is, but for me it's mostly the bad things that stick out in my memories. I wish it wasn't that way, that I would remember just the good things, but I suppose that's how I learn from mistakes.

I guess the thing I'll miss most is the certainty. The familiar rhythm of waking up, going to class, coming home, etc, etc. But now it'll be different. New people, new place, new...everything. It's like being the new kid all over again, except this time everyone's new. So I know I'm not alone, but why do I feel like I am? I feel like I've been coddled and have had someone holding my hand my whole life, and now all of a sudden they're letting go and shoving me into this strange world that I don't know anything about.

Let's face it--I'm scared. I know what I want (vaguely), but I don't know how to get there, or if I ever will. I know that I have to take the next step, but I don't know which direction to go in. All of a sudden, there are just too many choices. And there's no way to know which one's going to take me the way I want to go, and there's also no going back.

Sometimes I wake up thinking that this was all just a dream. But it isn't. It's my worst nightmare.