Boy-Watch Lingo

Okay, I am officially making boy-watching a sport now. And all official sports must have written rules, so here we go--the cardinal rules for boy-watching.

Rule #1:
Be discreet. DO NOT be caught boy-watching by the person/people you are ogling. Wear sunglasses if you must.

Rule #2:
You may never refer to the person you are watching by their actual name or any nickname that is easily decipherable by the public, and especially not the person being watched. Hence, Rule #3.

Rule #3:
Persons being watched should have bizarre/obscure nicknames. The more bizzare/obscure, the better.

For example, my favourite boy-watching target is called "Mona." This comes from Mona Lisa, which is referring to his Mona Lisa smile. No one would ever be able to guess this.

Hint: giving this person a girl's name is a good idea.

Rule #4:
Speak the lingo.

You should never say, "He's the one in the blue stripes." It would be much better to say, "Sky tiger." Concise, yet descriptive. Abbreviations are your friends.

Here are some words that you may want to use:
Tiger=stripes
Cheetah=polka dots (although I don't think guys wear polka dots?)
Mad=plaid
Paul/Jack=something that a stereotypical lumberjack would wear; red & black plaid/checkered
Ralph=polo shirt
Zippy/Z=zip up sweatshirt/a sweatshirt
BD=button down shirt
Earl=t-shirt
Knit=sweater/long-sleeved shirt
Machines=jeans
Max=slacks
Marilyn=blond hair
Hershey=brown hair
Night=black hair/dark hair
Rose=red hair
Jimmy=skinny person
Half-full=slightly chubby person
Lemon Squeezy/Lemon=chubby person
Eiffel=tall person
Briefs=short person
Pisa=leaning/slouching
Parked=standing
Duck=sitting
On the Ringer=talking on the phone

Colours (basically, anything that is commonly perceived to be that colour):

Bloody=red
Pumpkin=orange
Banana=yellow
Grass=green
Sky=blue
Grape=purple
Cheeks=pink
Wood=brown
Sharpie=black

etc, etc.

Miscellaneous:
Apple=someone you're interested in
Venus=girl
Mars=guy
Lambda=gay
Buried Treasure/Sunken Ship=ex-boyfriend/someone you've slept with

So here's an example of how I might describe Mona to my friend: "Mona's the Eiffel Marilyn in the Bloody Tiger Ralph and Machines. He's Parked next to that Jimmy Venus who's On the Ringer. Definitely an Apple."

Okay, so that's kind of ridiculous, but it's loads of fun.