Brick Wall

I never imagined that I would think of my Monday morning lecture as an escape. It used to be that I would go to school and wait for the hours to drag by until it's time to go home again. Now it's the opposite.

Friday night I went out with three of my friends for dinner. We laughed, talked, and just had a really great time. Last night, I went out again with two of the three and it was a great night too. Sometimes just sitting around talking about random things beats any other kind of entertainment, especially if you have interesting/weird friends. Which I do. So it was great. We laughed a lot, something I haven't done in a while.

I got home and went to tell my mom that I was back, and she gave me this strange look. And then she asks me if maybe I know why my friends asked me to go along with them. I said, "Well, because we're friends and we usually don't get to hang out together." Obviously I would want to have dinner with them. And to my complete astonishment, my mother suggests that maybe (since one of them is a guy), my girl friend wanted me to go along with her because she thought it would be too much like a date if she went by herself. For whatever reason, my mom thinks that all of us like him. I have no idea how she got that into her head, but I was so insulted that I just walked away without saying anything.

Today, I had to drive back from this event I went to, and I wanted to stop by the grocery store, but I had never driven through that particular route before. The whole time my dad was sitting beside me yelling at me and telling me how incompetent and stupid I was, and that just made it worse. I mean, I know I'm bad with road names and I have no sense of direction. Some people just are. My dad's practically got a gps system in his brain, so he really doesn't understand why I don't know which way is north and why I don't know exactly where we are and where we're going at all times.

Honestly, I was so pissed of that I just wanted to drive the car into a wall.

So we go to the store and blah blah blah and we get home. I'm sitting there in front of my laptop and my dad just barges in and starts telling me that I need to make a goal list for myself. Because in his opinion, if I just plan out everything in my life, things will work out perfectly.

"You need to know where you're going."

I have no fucking clue where I'm going, thank you very much. And thanks to what's happened so far in my life, I don't even know where I WANT to go. Like I said, I have no sense of direction whatsoever.

Right now I am even more pissed because my dad said, "Do you even know why you went out with them (my friends) last night?"

I said, "Because we're good friends and we don't hang out."

Apparently my mom brainwashed him because he said, "Don't you think there's something special going on? Why did you even go?"

Because they're my fucking friends, that's why. God. How controlling do my parents have to be? I mean, they've already pretty much controlled everything else that's gone on in my life, and now they're trying to get between me and my friends too? How unfair is that? It's not even any of their business.

So basically my parents think that I'm coming between my friends' budding relationship, that I'm stupid, incompetent, and completely hopeless.

Right now I really want to get back into the car, pile all of my belongings into it, and then just drive into a wall going at about 100 mph. I don't even care anymore. I hate this so much. I just want everything to go away, but it won't.

So if you don't ever hear from me again, that's what happened.